Writing college essays..

Live forum: http://forum.freeipodguide.com/viewtopic.php?t=71434


19-11-2007 16:50:10

I did a quick search through the forum and I yielded no threads dedicated to this subject matter - so I apologize in advance if this thread is a nuisance.

Anyways, I am writing my personal statement for the UC's and I wanted some imput on the strength of my essay. I am welcome to all types of criticism, so please tell me your opinion. Here it is

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? li
Anorexia Nervosa, it is a disorder that once all but dominated my way of life. Prevailing over this obstacle was one of my greatest personal achievements. My journey through the ordeal and the understanding I gained afterward have helped me to develop the drive and focus that I have today. This experience has lain a foundation of express ambition which has shaped my personal endeavors, broadened my dreams, and has ultimately redefined my responsibility to the world.
I recognize the devastation Anorexia Nervosa caused myself and others, but I do not consider my past a weakness, nor do I wish I had evaded the experience. My struggle with this disorder has given me the opportunity to see, firsthand, the effects of starvation and physical impairment. This led myself to a powerful realization no one, regardless of the manner they end up disabled, deserves to live that way. I am more than just grateful that I was blessed with this experience, I am proud of that fact.
Society bears a flawed understanding of eating disorders. The notion that women are the only ones afflicted, is, given that I am male, both incorrect and sexist. When starvation rendered myself asexual, I was able to disregard my heterosexual mindset altogether, allowing myself to see through to the sexism plaguing our world. I began to ponder the legalities of street prostitution, initially reasoning that the practice was illegal because it spreads STD's, but I discovered this was not the answer. Many men desire to sleep with as many women as they can and are praised by society for doing so, yet women who share the same ambitions are branded as “whores”, or any of the word’s numerous, revolting, synonyms. As society accepts such promiscuous behavior from men, we disregard the potential for a man to spread STD’s, hence imposing a double standard between men and prostitutes. Clearly, prostitution is outlawed for a different reason it attacks men’s fidelity - a rationale that is sexist to its core.
Living the life of an “it”, rather than a man, was the least of my concerns as I battled Anorexia Nervosa. The life of an anorectic is no different than the life of a victim of famine. As starvation shuts down our body, the mind undergoes dramatic changes; self preservation becomes the only factor of life, sleep becomes unnecessary, and socializing with others is not even considered, more or less done. Only one thought crosses through the victim’s mind - food.
Sadly, society is every bit as ignorant of starvation as they are of Anorexia Nervosa. The reason for this is clear; it is because the prosperous have no trouble in staying well nourished - in fact it is so mockingly easy that obesity has monopolized our perception of nutrition. It has come to the point that the existing multibillion dollar weight loss industry has taken in enough profit to completely eliminate world hunger. This disgusting, absurd reality is nothing short of insulting to those millions who continue to remain unaided - both impoverished and undernourished. The truth is that we, as a society, have no interest in securing a global right to everyone’s basic needs. Only because I have lived and suffered through starvation have I come to understand the necessity of this right, the most basic of all rights. The fact that I am alive today designates me with an obligation - a responsibility - to all victims of starvation. I owe these people an opportunity to live without the burdens of malnutrition and this is an ambition that I will take great pride in fulfilling.

Thanks for reading.


19-11-2007 17:07:08



here I come UCB


19-11-2007 17:25:56

Unfortunately, I am from Ohio just as you are zdub, and I don't have the ivy league stats that are needed to get into UCB OoS, so I won't be applying there. I was shooting for UCSD and UCD instead.
Anyways, if that was intended as compliment then thank you. The general word on some other forums has been that it sucks.. ^^;;


21-11-2007 00:57:20

Mmm... I'm having fun with my UC Applications as well. Tons of fun for the past couple of weeks.