Should I help my brother out of debt?

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My brother has being going through some tough times with depression, especially this past year. I decided to have him move in with me for a while so he can experience a change and also so I could help him and keep an eye on him.

His cell phone was ringing about 3 times per day from this 1-800 number so i guestioned him about it. He told me that he has a lot of credit card debt. About $14,000 shock This is a total shock to me as I had no idea. He never mentioned this to me the whole time since he moved in. Plus my parents have always preached to us the value of money, having good credit, and not living with any debt. I dont understand why he didnt come to me sooner.

I have been thinking about it a lot and I want to pay it off for him. My best friend (who also knows my brother) were talking about it and he thinks if i want to pay it off i should do half and have my brother do half.

The thing is i just want to pay it off so it stops affecting his credit. I dont know what is going on with the debt now. I have always maintained a zero balance on my cards so i have no clue. I want him to check his credit score but my best friend told me that doing that actually lowers your credit even more ?

I just want him to have a fresh start. He is not working right now. His psychiatrist suggested that he take a break from working and just volunteer if he wants to. So he does that a few hours per day. I dont want to give the impression that he is a lazy freeloader because he is not. His debt is mostly tuition and living expenses (not stereos and plasmas etc). He is actually looking for a job and I have seen him apply and see so much on the internet history that indicates he is looking very hard.

He stopped going to his classes and was dismissed from his university. It was so sad because he told me that he is so nervous about going on a job interview because he doesnt know what to say when they ask him about school or what kinds of questions they will even ask about it.


I know people will see this as me bailing him out. It's just that his debt wasnt caused by careless spending, it was neccessities. I just want him to have a fresh start. He has been through so much. I dont want this weighing him down. I'm sure it depresses him more every time he thinks about it.

I feel bad even dragging him to my cold, snowing, gray city just so I would have peace of mind knowing he was okay. It kills me everytime I ask him how he is doing and he says fine, but I can tell he is so depressed



(

He's family. Help him.

If you feel bad with the situation it means you care about him, and as said above he's a part of your family. I believe your conscious tells you to do what should be done, and don't feel you lose something, it's just money for you, but for him it may look like much more than that

How many refs is 14k?

Sorry, I'm just trying to make light of a situation that is otherwise very depressing =/

I don't see any reason to not help him, but I would encourage him to go back to school to finish his classes. Without a degree, he's going to be worse off so try and motivate him to get back to class, so that he can pay you back or finish paying off the rest of his debt on his own.

He is your family and you should help him, if you have 14k to spend without a prob and want to pay off everything why not, but if I was you i help him pay the bills month by month until he can get back on his feet, as long as the credit card companies are getting payments they will stop the phone calls.

well I think that if you wanna help him, better pay the debt off, then CC fees won't accumulate, and his CC score might be better...

but establish a method for him to eventually pay you back, maybe this will keep him motivated to actually complete his degreee and get a better job

)

Well is good your deciding to help him, just remember that your helping him this time, and later on if he gets in the same problem his going to be wanting your help again in paying off his debts, tell him he needs to be more responsible after you have helped him establish this debt, so he cand avoid being in debt in the near future.

This is going to sound like a mean thing, but I would carefully approach this. If you pay it all off for him, what has he learned about his situation? That his brother will bail him out? That he doesn't have to worry about things because he has you to do it for him?

I only bring this up because I have two older brothers who have done the same thing to my parents. One of them, especially, has not learned a damn thing. He does know that he can't "borrow" from me, and my parents are saying no now.

If you feel that he has learned a valuable lesson from this, you know it's not something he's likely to repeat, then by all means, help him out. But if you can't guarantee he won't be in the same exact situation a year or two from now, I'd hold off.

don't do it

give him this instead

http//www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Financial-Fitness/dp/0785289089/sr=8-1/qid=1172160741/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7379572-4937408?ie=UTF8&s=books

i did it this morning via bank transfers. If it had been stereos and things like that then i would not have. Poor guy, he felt so back about it too. He hasnt come out of his room since the morning.

This morning my aunt and cousin were over and for some reason we were sitting at the table making lists of things we were thankful for. My cousins and I were going on to page 4,5,6 etc and my brother looked like he was kinda thinking on page 1. He said, "I guess that's why I have depression, because I am not thankful for anything." I felt really bad and was saying no, we are all just lengthy people in our speech and words (which is very true, we are) and so he said, "I guess I am not like you guys then." (


Aw, but hopefully this is a FRESH START for him and he starts to get a lot better D

It took a chunk out of my savings, but that is a very small price to pay to help him to recovery from his depression.

[quoted6b0a870f8="Dave82"]The thing is i just want to pay it off so it stops affecting his credit. I dont know what is going on with the debt now. I have always maintained a zero balance on my cards so i have no clue. [bd6b0a870f8]I want him to check his credit score but my best friend told me that doing that actually lowers your credit even more [/bd6b0a870f8] ? [/quoted6b0a870f8]
That's downright false. When you yourself do a credit inquiry on your own credit, it won't affect your credit score. Lenders won't see it either. And I agree with Jadem. Make sure he understands that you won't bail him out again.

i'm just curious as to how old you are and how old your brother is.. I was going to say help him as long as it isn't going to put you in a big bind on funds, so did you pay the full amount or are you splitting it with him? Also, what about a payment plan for him to pay you back, that way he doesn't have credit debt that can be found by credit companies, and doesn't have huge intrest fees to pay... Just a thought, you may not want anything back from him though...

Your a good guy +KMA!

I would be careful with paying off everything. He probably won't learn any lessons from all of this if you pay it off. My grandma has paid off my aunt's debt twice now and I still don't think my aunt understands what she is doing.

I would help him out if this is the first time.

Although he is your brother, I would still look at it like a business transaction.

Help him get back on his feet but maybe make him sign something stating that he will pay you so much money back in a certain period of time.

I am a strong advocate of helping people out once or twice but if it becomes a habit for them asking for help and not making any effort to correct their problems, then its on them

[quote513b039443="jadem"]This is going to sound like a mean thing, but I would carefully approach this. If you pay it all off for him, what has he learned about his situation? That his brother will bail him out? That he doesn't have to worry about things because he has you to do it for him?

I only bring this up because I have two older brothers who have done the same thing to my parents. One of them, especially, has not learned a damn thing. He does know that he can't "borrow" from me, and my parents are saying no now.

If you feel that he has learned a valuable lesson from this, you know it's not something he's likely to repeat, then by all means, help him out. But if you can't guarantee he won't be in the same exact situation a year or two from now, I'd hold off.[/quote513b039443]

Jadem, there is a big difference between a family member who spent tons of money on luxury items while fully able to think properly and a family member who spent money on tution while in depression.

I would have done the same thing. Money comes and goes, family is with you forever.

[quoteb70104e3cc="Daggoth"][quoteb70104e3cc="jadem"]This is going to sound like a mean thing, but I would carefully approach this. [bb70104e3cc]If[/bb70104e3cc] you pay it all off for him, what has he learned about his situation? That his brother will bail him out? That he doesn't have to worry about things because he has you to do it for him?

I only bring this up because I have two older brothers who have done the same thing to my parents. One of them, especially, has not learned a damn thing. He does know that he can't "borrow" from me, and my parents are saying no now.

[bb70104e3cc]If[/bb70104e3cc] you feel that he has learned a valuable lesson from this, you know it's not something he's likely to repeat, then by all means, help him out. But [bb70104e3cc]if [/bb70104e3cc]you can't guarantee he won't be in the same exact situation a year or two from now, I'd hold off.[/quoteb70104e3cc]

Jadem, there is a big difference between a family member who spent tons of money on luxury items while fully able to think properly and a family member who spent money on tution while in depression.

I would have done the same thing. Money comes and goes, family is with you forever.[/quoteb70104e3cc]

I understand that, but it's still a lot of money to just give away.

I don't know his brother, and I don't know him. He asked, I gave my thoughts. I used a lot of ifs, because I don't the situation personally.

And I didn't tell him to not do it, I told him to think and act carefully.

[quotecfb1f3a115="justinfreestuff"]don't do it

give him this instead

http//www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Financial-Fitness/dp/0785289089/sr=8-1/qid=1172160741/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7379572-4937408?ie=UTF8&s=books[/quotecfb1f3a115]


Nah, get him this

http//www.amazon.com/Yes-You-Can-Financial-Life/dp/1401911242/sr=1-1/qid=1172176662/ref=sr_1_1/103-8507761-7960651?ie=UTF8&s=books

I have this book and its fucking awesome, although that probably won't help him out of depression.. well maybe.. who knows

That's brotherly love man. His situation was unfortunate and good to know you helped him out.

Thanks everyone for the input.

It is a lot of money, but his interest charges were almost 30% because of being late on payments and then finally not paying at all. So his payments were losing so much to interest. It is basically throwing money away. I didnt bring up the topic of my brother paying me back because my condo has been put on hold yet again and the condo owners are getting together and looking into taking the matter further because all of us had our key dates pushed back. We had a meeting and when I got back I was stressed and my brother asked me if i was stressed about the money i paid off. I felt so bad that he felt bad. I told him that i knew the interest charges were going to just snowball the situation and I was happy to help. He told me that he wants to pay me back the money he borrowed. He also has a job interview on Monday and was excited when he was telling me about it. I was so happy to see him excited about it. He also said he was writing in the that list of things he is thankful for and now the ideas are coming more easily.

I talked to my fiance and she said (being a psych major and all ) ) that it would actually better for him to pay it off so he doesnt feel like a burden (not that he is, but he expressed to me he felt that way). Plus working and accomplishing goals helps anyone, but really helps people suffering depression. If they set unreasonable goals and fail to meet them, then they get more depressed. So I am trying to let him know that he can pay it off in bits and pieces and no rush. My fiance also suggested having an account that he can just deposit the money into rather than "handing" it to me as that is kinda degrading as well. Especially because he is a few years older than me too. So good advice from her.


But the situation would be different if he was drinking and partying and something like that was the reason he was dismissed from school. I would not have bailed him out (as that would just make him do it again; some people need to learn the hard way or they dont learn at all). I am just lucky that I was in a situation to help him out. A couple years ago before I graduated I wouldnt have been able to that much.

Had he bought video games systems, speakers, etc then that is a different thing. I would not let him walk on me and bail him out.
Plus I do not see this as a repeat pattern type thing. And I made it clear that when he feels depressed or something happens he should tell one of us sooner rather than letting the situation get as bad as he lets it. (I hope his credit isnt too messed up; i have to check).


And I swear Karma comes back to you! Yesterday I spoke with my gf (doing the semester abroad thing) and [ba40012d8d7]she is coming home early in 15 days [/ba40012d8d7] D D D. (Which i feel a little bad because i havent told her yet that we dont have a condo anymore..)
I was stuck with a $415 vet bill because my fiance's dog swallowed my neighbor's sock that was in MY yard for reason. Well today the baby's dad comes over and asks if the dog is okay[ba40012d8d7] and hands me a blank check to cover any costs[/ba40012d8d7]! Man, I feel guilty now actually taking it ?
And I got [ba40012d8d7]2 greens[/ba40012d8d7] to a site whose link i dont even have posted! How is that even possible.


So, aside from the condo thing, this makes up for the shitty past few months i've been having!!

So yeah, help your close friends and family out (unless they are being recklace; in that case do them a favor and do not help them so they straighten out).

Oh by the way, in regards to the interest charges as money being throw away..... that is why I am impressed with people on this forum. So many younger people are earning freebies as opposed to just charging ipods/xbox/plasmas on a credit card.