Mormon Guide to Masturbation

I saw this on Digg and I thought it was hilarious.

Link[=http//www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html]Link

"1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes."

Mormons promote testicular cancer eh? http//forum.freeipodguide.com/smilies_mod/upload/8da47a6a788bfa3cafaca999fecc915f.gif[" alt=""/img6340380a9f]

LFMAO

When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.


SOO much things wrong with this you cant see if your hair is clean or anything. you cannot take long showers to insure your clean. and having your mother with you in you change at teh same time is just nasty

Umm i am Mormon, and I highly doubt that is real....

EDIT What I mean by that is, it could have been written by a Mormon, but that is definitely nothing official

It's just tips by a Mormon on how to avoid masturbation. He's rather funny about it too... unintentionally that is. lol

Do mormons not believe you should masturbate?

It says it was made by one of the "Council of the 12 Apostles"

"19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep."

just tie urself up dood

if therz a fire in ur house at least u wont b masturbatin lolhahaha

[quote318fb7f2f3="Allen626"]Do mormons not believe you should masturbate?[/quote318fb7f2f3]Yeah, no, it's definitely frowned upon...

I heard mormons also have other wierd things regarding sex like certain things they wear as a virgin as in underwear of something? Im probably totally wrong since I only know a little about the religion itself.

[quote497fb0d252="Allen626"]I heard mormons also have other wierd things regarding sex like certain things they wear as a virgin as in underwear of something? Im probably totally wrong since I only know a little about the religion itself.[/quote497fb0d252]no, there are garments you wear when you are worthy to go to the temple, like for marriage and stuff. actually im not really sure on that exactly, im not the most active mormon, ahaha...

[quotea4c260453d]15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.[/quotea4c260453d]
How does this help avoid jerkin it? I don't think I masturbate more when I have mustard on a sandwich.

lmao

I was disappointed. I thought this was going to be tips from a Mormon on how to masturbate.

[quote788253c8f9="Peinecone"][quote788253c8f9]15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.[/quote788253c8f9]
How does this help avoid jerkin it? I don't think I masturbate more when I have mustard on a sandwich.[/quote788253c8f9]

Duh... It leaks out of your sandwich, onto the crotch of your pants. You start trying to wipe it off... and before you know it..............

I use mustard as my lube, big deal.

[quote7d24520020="mnx12"]Umm i am Mormon, and I highly doubt that is real....

EDIT What I mean by that is, it could have been written by a Mormon, but that is definitely nothing official[/quote7d24520020]


haha, what do you in this situation?

i also heard Mormons go on a world trip or something. i guess it would explain why I saw a few Mormons in japan P

[quoteeaaf371864="CollidgeGraduit"][quoteeaaf371864="Peinecone"][quoteeaaf371864]15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.[/quoteeaaf371864]
How does this help avoid jerkin it? I don't think I masturbate more when I have mustard on a sandwich.[/quoteeaaf371864]

Duh... It leaks out of your sandwich, onto the crotch of your pants. You start trying to wipe it off... and before you know it..............[/quoteeaaf371864]
I just threw up in my mouth...

[quoted476f9a0b8="findme"][quoted476f9a0b8="mnx12"]Umm i am Mormon, and I highly doubt that is real....

EDIT What I mean by that is, it could have been written by a Mormon, but that is definitely nothing official[/quoted476f9a0b8]


haha, what do you in this situation?

i also heard Mormons go on a world trip or something. i guess it would explain why I saw a few Mormons in japan P[/quoted476f9a0b8]In what situation?? And I have no idea what your talking about a world trip, I think you might be confused with Muslims???

You Mormons and Muslims are the same thing. Duh. roll

;)

[quote68211c0e47="tylerc"]I use mustard as my lube, big deal.[/quote68211c0e47]

I like the spicy brown stuff, how about you?

[quoted377c94149="Gooogler"][quoted377c94149="tylerc"]I use mustard as my lube, big deal.[/quoted377c94149]

I like the spicy brown stuff, how about you?[/quoted377c94149]
You bumped this thread.....for that?

Doesn't matter; it's a good thread. lol

You guys are crazy with your spicy lubes. Doesn't that stuff burn your urethra?

[quote3b32e810dc="J4320"]Doesn't matter; it's a good thread. lol

You guys are crazy with your spicy lubes. Doesn't that stuff burn your urethra?[/quote3b32e810dc]

umm, dude, didn't you get your free urethra skin - freeurethaskin.com it's the original FreePay, nee Gratis site.

mnx12, do you happen to believe in plural marriage?

[quote1372e6ffeb="Tholek"]mnx12, do you happen to believe in plural marriage?[/quote1372e6ffeb]No, no Mormons do

[quote0d343a45e3]Plural marriage (also sometimes called celestial marriage, The Patriarchal Order of marriage or simply polygamy) is a type of polygamy that was taught by Joseph Smith, Jr., founder of the Latter Day Saint movement; some form of Plural Marriage has been practiced by selected followers of Joseph Smith.

After the death of Joseph Smith, plural marriage was taught and practiced as polygyny by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints until 1890, when the Church officially ended the practice as a doctrine of the Church.

Plural Marriage continues to be practiced today, usually in the form of polygyny, by a number of splinter groups of Mormon fundamentalists in the western United States, Canada, and Mexico.[/quote0d343a45e3]

[quote0d343a45e3]There is little dispute that Joseph Smith, Jr. taught and practiced plural marriage based on the Doctrine & Covenants, Section 132. The general historical consensus is that Smith did, in fact, practice polygamy. For a discussion of this topic please see Joseph Smith, Jr. and Polygamy.[/quote0d343a45e3]

http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plural_marriage

While it may not be condoned by mainstream mormons of today... There are quite a few Mormons who practice plural marriage...

I heard this crazy rumor about priests having sex with the brides during the night before the wedding. I don't believe stuff until I've looked into it of course but mnx, do you know anything on this matter?

[quote2a95d3ed96="J4320"]I heard this crazy rumor about priests having sex with the brides during the night before the wedding. I don't believe stuff until I've looked into it of course but mnx, do you know anything on this matter?[/quote2a95d3ed96]Mormons dont have priests, but theres definitely nothing like that for Mormons. Maybe one of the polygamist religions do, but not Mormons.