NEED ADVICE ABOUT FAILING OUT OF COLLEGE

So at about 2am just now i get a call from my brother.

He tells me that he failed out of school last semester (summer 06). I was in total shock. He told me that he was on academic probation for two previous semesters and then he didnt take his finals last semester (summer 06).

He goes to school in california and never mentioned any of this to me so i did not know ANY of this. I was in total shock!!!! Everytime we spoke on the phone he talked about how great school was and all. And at Thanksgiving he was telling my relatives about his classes even.

I was trying to ask questions to figure out what was going on the past few semesters. He said that his depression kicked in major and he stopped going to class. He also stopped taking his meds. This scared me so much.

He said that about 4 months ago he began going to depression meetings. He still is not on his meds, which worries me. But he claims he was feeling a lot better. He also took 3 of his 4 finals and passed with B's. His last final was a turn in paper and he finished it BUT DID NOT TURN IT IN. I DONT KNOW FUCKING WHY!!



I am not here asking about his depression. That is something i am going to dealing with. [bf5720027ed]I want to know if anyone has any suggestions about what he can do about that last paper.[/bf5720027ed] He said if he had turned it in he would have not been kicked out of school because he would have maintained the gpa. I just want to find a way to not have him kicked out of school.

I know "it is his own fault" but [uf5720027ed]that is my brother and best friend and I love him. [/uf5720027ed]

I really need advice on this. I dont know anyone that has had a similar situation so i am at a loss. He forwarded me a copy of the academic policy at his school and it says that if you have an incomplete, you have until the last week of the next semester (fall 06 in his case) to turn it in. The last semester week was a few days ago for him.

But on his transcript it did not say "Incomplete." He told me the professor marked it as an "F."
If he didnt turn in his final paper, it should have been an incomplete i think.

[bf5720027ed]I dont know what to do about this. I am asking if anyone here has any suggestions about how he should go about this, ideas about what to say to the professor. ?[/bf5720027ed]

I was talking to my good friend and he suggested that if the professor didnt accept his paper than try talking to the dean of the department because that gives him a second chance if the professor declines. I dont know though, i think that would piss the professor off even more if my brother went above him to the dean. And wouldnt the dean just side with the professor because that is how faculty works? What do you guys think?

My brother has a plane ticket on Dec 22nd to come home so I want this resolved. I dont want him to be kicked out if he has the final paper done and the professor would somehow accept it. He said that he cant meet face-to-face because the semester is over and the professors arent in their offices anymore.


I know it's fucked up. But i dont want my brother to be kicked out of school. When he finally gets better, i want him to have the option of returning to school.
I understand he didnt go about things the right way. But i really wanna help my brother not get kicked out.

[bf5720027ed]This thread is for suggestions on what he should say to the professor that you think would increase his odds for the professor accepting the final even though it is after the final grade date.[/bf5720027ed]


I dont know anything else. My brother didnt tell me too much else. I did not know any of this or I would been on a plane in a minute. And i sure as hell would have had him turn in that final before the cut off date when the teachers submitted grades. He is talking on the phone with his depression sponsor right now and i am waiting for him to call me back.


Please help me help my brother, my best friend not get kicked out.
It might be too late, but please offer suggestions if you have any.
( (

What is the worst that can happen if you talk to the professor? I don't want to sound harsh, but he has hit rock bottom, the only way he can go is up. Talk to the professor. If he doesn't understand, take it to the dean. If he doesn't understand, then you have to set up some new future course. If all above fails, he should enroll at a local community college to retake the courses he failed, while living with you or your parents, since he can't take care of himself (from what I've read).

At my school if you dont turn in a final paper you fail, don't get an incomplete. He needs to ask the professor if he can meet him for coffee or something to discuss something with them and he needs to be the one to initiate it. I don't think you should get directly involved by contacting the professor because the prof needs to know ur brother cares.

When I was a freshman, they changed my date of a final after the classes ended. They notified everyone by email, but mine was not working. I ended up showing up 2 hours late and saw the professor leaving with all the exams out of the hall. It took some convincing, but he let me take it in his office an hour later. Now, this was my own fault, but what your brother seems to have gone through is def. a lot more complex than not checking your email. I think if he were to sit down with him and just explain everything. This all depends on the professor though. Even if he thinks he won't take it if he talked to him, he should atleast try. Hope everything works out.

Your brother needs to meet with a counselor and his professor and try to salvage this last semester. Usually when it comes to mental or physical health they are understanding. He might want his own doctor to be there to speak on his behalf and give validity to his problems. Either way I'd say he needs to take some time and get himself together. Even if he is kicked out he can go to a community college and get good grades and then head back to a 4-year. My ex-girlfriend failed out of college when she was 18 and she is now heading to a 4-year to get her BA after doing well in CC. It isn't the end of the world to fail out...

to be honest, mental illness is a reason that someone in the education field should seriously take into consideration as a reason to forgive someone for their misteps. He needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist/counselor. meds are not everything but his steps towards improving himself by seeking treatment will show people at school that not only did he have a problem that made him unable to control his decisions but that he is seeking help for such problems which would mean that letting him back into school will get a different result

Thanks for all of your advice. That really means a lot to me. My brother called me last night and he's going to see if his professor is in his office today. If he is not there, my brother email the professor and include his paper.

I am a going through my own thing now. I suddenly feel almost angry that he did not tell us sooner what he was going through. I will (hopefully) never understand depression first hand, but i do my best to let my brother know that i am always there for him and wont judge. He could have come to me at any time and i would help him in whatever way i could. I just do not understand why i found out about this only now. Everytime someone in the family asked about school he talked about his classes, teachers, etc.

I feel like why was he talking classes if he was so depressed. People like that need to work on getting better. If you cannot make it to class because you cannot get out of bed, then you need to concentrate on getting better.

And he wont give me an exact answer why he stopped taking his meds. He just tells me that only depressed people would understand and that people at his meetings understand and support his decisions.

I am just worried because a lot people stop taking their medications and think they are fine and getting better. Some medication can actually stay in your system for up to 6 months. Medicine is not for everyone, but i saw drastic improvement in him.

Thank you for the advice. All of it was logical. It is not in my hands, but i pray for the best.

You should consider that medication does not necessarily heal—it's more of a band-aid that covers the problem; it can help if he's getting better through therapy, but as a means alone it can't always last.

Suffereing from depression myself, I can tell you that motivation and initiation are two things that get thrown out the window first. I've been bad (recently) about taking my meds, but it's hard to convince myself that I really need them.

Even when you KNOW that the meds help, once you start feeling better you really think that you might be able to go without them. Now, my depression isn't nearly as bad as your brother's (based on what you've told us of his behavior), but it does affect my life.

If his Professor is unwilling to work with him, he needs to go higher up the food chain. Depression is a documented mental illness and I honestly believe it is a disability. It's often misunderstood by those who have never dealt with it, so his prof might be an ass about it. lishrugli

Good luck and I hope things work out.

[quote23461a8541="ilanbg"]You should consider that medication does not necessarily heal—it's more of a band-aid that covers the problem; it can help if he's getting better through therapy, but as a means alone it can't always last.[/quote23461a8541]
This is a correct and incorrect statement.
what ilanbg means is that counseling is the way to be able to heal all of the hurt from past experiences if your mental stems from previous trauma. for example counseling for posttraumatic stress disorder for people who saw guys get blown up in 'nam or were in a car accident or someone with an attachment disorder secondary to abuse as a child.
often major depressive disorder does not have one primary event, though counseling is and should be a huge factor in regaining wellness. medications do fix the imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain that lead or are the result of most mental illness

I feel for you man. Reading your post really tugged at my heart strings. Someone very close to me has had to deal with similar school problems (though he hasn't been diagnosed with depression, it's obvious that's what he is suffering from).

Watching him self-destruct for no apparent reason was tough, but the problem most of the time is that people like that don't feel the full consequences of their actions, or don't care. You need to push him to improve, but he'll never see it in the logical way you do.

You need to do two things right now

1. Find out if your brother's situation is truly salvagable. Call his school's registrar or records department and find out if the professor can still turn in a grade for your brother. If so, do what everyone else in this thread has said and find a way to contact the professor and explain the situation.

2. If your brother is out and there is no way to get him back in, give him a little time (not much) and make sure he's get back into school, whether it be community or college. My close friend got worse when he was kicked out of school and took him a good year and a half to gather himself together and enroll somewhere else. Once he got in the swing of things, however, he took to academic life again beautifully.

One thing I've picked up on when dealing with people who are depressed is that you have to find the right words when advising them. They easily get angry because they think you don't litrulyli understand what they're dealing with. You have to be patient.

Good luck.