What Do You Think Of My Essay?

Sorry for the numerous threads today, but I just typed this up and would like some opinions from fellow FiPG-ers.....It counts as a test grade, so I'm looking for some opinions, and perhaps critiques if you feel like it.

______The Roman Empire fell in 476AD under the rule of Romulus Augustulus. The eventual fall of the empire was brought on by plenty of factors, including downfall in economy, loss of government faith, and laziness. People might say that America is headed in the direction that Rome was going in the 470’s, with the decline in our own economy, and other factors that can be related to the fall of the Roman Empire.
______ The economy in Rome was a big factor in its downfall. It all started with corrupt leaders, internal civil wars going on in the Roman government, and people in power taking advantage of their position. This intern led to problems in the economy. Inflation occurred, which lead to farmers losing their jobs, among others. The wealth started to fall, unemployment in general rose, and of course the wars that were being fought caused decline in trade. There are some ways that this relates to our society right now. With the large amount of immigration occurring in our country today, it hurts the economy. It is estimated that the European founded Race of America will be a minority within itself, and if this does occur, you can imagine what our economy might be like in twenty or thirty years. Right now, people just arriving in our country are willing to work for much less then Americas at the same type of job. This leads to a greater amount of layoffs, and eventually a decline in the general economy. Right now it’s not a bad thing, but if this keeps occurring at such a fast pace, our economy might be in trouble down the road. All However, even with Americas being laid off, it doesn’t look like any other factors that lead to the decline of Rome will really affect the outcome of the United States. While the United States does tend to find itself in an exceptional amount of warfare, it has never affected any of the trade that goes on between us and other countries.
______Another problem Rome had was that its people lost faith in their government, which caused them to be lazy and not do their work. With all the turmoil in the Roman government, it would be difficult to expect its citizens to be as efficient as they were when Rome was in its golden age. The people didn’t think their government was doing the right thing for them, so in turn they lost respect for their government. If the people did not have respect for their government, they would have no incentive to do hard work, so they didn’t. It doesn’t seem like America will face this problem. It is possible that many people living inside of the United States strongly disagree with how our president rules our country, but chances are people will become lazy and not help with the upkeep of America because they disagree with our president. It has never happen, and doesn’t look like it will in the near future.
______Since there was such political unrest, many soldiers and members of the Roman army did not want to serve any longer. This led the Romans to hire mercenaries, which were commonly uncivilized Germanic barbarians. Although people in the United States might not agree with our president, or the way our government is wrong, chances are that America will never have to resort to hiring people from other countries to help our country defend itself, and battle overseas.
______While the United States does have some similarities to Rome before it feel, it doesn’t look like the United States is heading in that same direction, at least not in the near future. The US&A might run into some economic problems, but odds are that won’t result in the complete downfall of our “Empire”.

[quoteb3c39c3a60="OldManWrigley"]It’s estimated that in twenty years, pure white Americas will be a minority. If this does occur, you can imagine what our economy might be like. Because minorities right now will work for a much smaller amount then an average American, businesses are firing Americans and hiring the minority. All this would do is lead to a drop in employment, and problems with our economy.[/quoteb3c39c3a60]

Jiggah wha?

Read it again and tell me you don't sound ignorant.

Yup, misworded that hugely to sound like a huge ignorant moronic rascisct ass

sucks.

want me to re-write?

Hey, didnt I re-write a college entrance essay for you before or something??

Maybe that is what you are on the inside? True feelings come out in the dark you know.

I think you're getting minorities and illegal aliens mixed up.

I'm a minority in this country but won't work for pennies (just).

oh wait, my gf did your chem homework.

Um, i actually cant procrastinate anymore today, as i just helped someone else.

When is it due??

Miswording? Right...

My friend told me to say something along those lines, and I guess it was put to harshly. But it is true, no offense and I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but with the people coming into this country working for much lower then people are working today, it will lead to a decline in our economy. There's no getting around it.

Dave - it's due tomorrow, needs to be done and printed by 725AM. Yeah, your GF hooked it up nice on the chem stuff, I got an 86 on that test, and we just got a grade update in that class, I have a 97.8% )

Ummm, yeah you mean illegal aliens.

Rewrote that paragraph, kind of....

The economy in Rome was a big factor in its downfall. It all started with corrupt leaders, internal civil wars going on in the Roman government, and people in power taking advantage of their position. This intern led to problems in the economy. Inflation occurred, which lead to farmers losing their jobs, among others. The wealth started to fall, unemployment in general rose, and of course the wars that were being fought caused decline in trade. There are some ways that this relates to our society right now. With the large amount of immigration occurring in our country today, it hurts the economy. It is estimated that the European founded Race of America will be a minority within itself, and if this does occur, you can imagine what our economy might be like in twenty or thirty years. Right now, people just arriving in our country are willing to work for much less then Americas at the same type of job. This leads to a greater amount of layoffs, and eventually a decline in the general economy. Right now it’s not a bad thing, but if this keeps occurring at such a fast pace, our economy might be in trouble down the road. All However, even with Americas being laid off, it doesn’t look like any other factors that lead to the decline of Rome will really affect the outcome of the United States. While the United States does tend to find itself in an exceptional amount of warfare, it has never affected any of the trade that goes on between us and other countries.

split all your contractions into 2 words (most teachers prefer this in formal essays)

Nah, I think you need to explicitly state illegal aliens, because that's what it is.

It's possible that legal citizens that have just immagrated here will work at Burger King for perhaps 50 cents less then an American that works there.

I'm not bashing immagrints what-so-ever, I'm just saying that eventually it will lead to a decline in our economy.....

Thanks zdub, I might go back and split them up.

also, words like "might" and "seem" tend to come off as apologetic. state your belief as fact, and then back it up with info.

shit im loving my custom name; i didnt even have to donate!

[quotebd83942d3c="OldManWrigley"]The US&A[/quotebd83942d3c]
Borat?

[quote62b6edfd68="Dave82"]oh wait, my gf did your chem homework.

Um, i actually cant procrastinate anymore today, as i just helped someone else.

When is it due??[/quote62b6edfd68]

Wow seriously. +karma to you for being so helpful. Every time I turn around I see you willing to help with someone's school work.

Oh wait I can't give karma yet, I will though. TSJ raped me of my karma for today.

(

oops

http//forum.freeipodguide.com/smilies_mod/upload/a5647e209cb9e409312b460e38c24676.gif[" alt=""/img62b6edfd68]

Seriously, he's such a great addition to this forum, and knows his grammar! Not something you find very often.

Yup, I'm leaving US&A in there, and yes, because of Borat. Let him mark me off for it, I dare him shock

[quotee5f648432e="OldManWrigley"]It's possible that legal citizens that have just immagrated here will work at Burger King for perhaps 50 cents less then an American that works there.

I'm not bashing immagrints what-so-ever, I'm just saying that eventually it will lead to a decline in our economy.....

Thanks zdub, I might go back and split them up.[/quotee5f648432e]

I think if anything, it's the companies hiring the immigrants who try to pay them less thinking they don't know any better, as opposed to the immigrants willing to work for less.

The pay here isn't that great, at least not for me, compared to what I used to get back home. My first ever job back home paid me about $9 hour, my next job paid me about $12 an hour, my third job (which was my first over here) paid me $8.25 and my current job pays me $7.00. My current job I'm doing the same as what I did in my first job, but being paid 22% less. shrug

Personally, I'll work as hard as I have to, for any amount of money, as long as it pays the bills, supports my family and puts food on the table.

I usually contribute very little to discussions, but I must also throw in my theory that Dark-skinned people will eventually become the majority in America. When dark-skinned people 'mate' with each other, chances are, their offspring will inherit a dark skin tone (please don't try to disprove this with minor exceptions). Even in conflicting situations, a similar pattern occurs when a negro mates with a caucasian the offspring will be dark. If the dark offspring between a negro and a caucasian 'mates' with an asian person, there is still a very high chance that the offspring between those two will be dark. This spread of dark-skinned people will spread exponentially and if you look around yourself, you'll notice it's already begun. Although I can't say that dark people are the fittest in modern society, but I am certain they will 'corrupt' the human race; at least in many parts of the United States, where people are taught that it is okay to engage in interracial relations.

The "ignorant bigot" award goes to.........

i'm leaving now...............

liresists starting another debate.

i'll correct all grammatical errors and make it sound like a fantastic essay for the low sum of $10.

but yeah, there's no real flow with your paper. no offense. it's really choppy

[quotecfa9ade395="ilanbg"]liresists starting another debate.[/quotecfa9ade395]

do it! bow

[quoteff35ba4531="OldManWrigley"]It's possible that legal citizens that have just immagrated here will work at Burger King for perhaps 50 cents less then an American that works there.

I'm not bashing immagrints what-so-ever, I'm just saying that eventually it will lead to a decline in our economy.....

Thanks zdub, I might go back and split them up.[/quoteff35ba4531]

Actually, depending on how you look at it, it may be an improvement to our economy. Wrap your head around this

If a company can pay a worker less money to do the same work, then they make more money on their products, thus increasing the profitability of the company. If the company gets more profitable, it'll expand, requiring more workers, which means more people get paid. Lower unemployment + profitable companies = good economy.

This is obviously way oversimplified, and I don't necessarily subscribe to this viewpoint (what's the point in having everyone employed if they can't pay for food?). It's theoretical things like this that makes me hate economics. Interesting, albeit useless.

[quote56c418621f="ChaSongjo"]I usually contribute very little to discussions, but I must also throw in my theory that Dark-skinned people will eventually become the majority in America. When dark-skinned people 'mate' with each other, chances are, their offspring will inherit a dark skin tone (please don't try to disprove this with minor exceptions). Even in conflicting situations, a similar pattern occurs when a negro mates with a caucasian the offspring will be dark. If the dark offspring between a negro and a caucasian 'mates' with an asian person, there is still a very high chance that the offspring between those two will be dark. This spread of dark-skinned people will spread exponentially and if you look around yourself, you'll notice it's already begun. Although I can't say that dark people are the fittest in modern society, but I am certain they will 'corrupt' the human race; at least in many parts of the United States, where people are taught that it is okay to engage in interracial relations.[/quote56c418621f]

You picked a really bad time to contribute, because your post just made you sound like a complete ignorant asshole........

I printed it and handed it in this morning, and while I was reading it just before class I noticed all the aweful mistakes I had. I was really lidistractedli last night and htis morning (got a 74 on a test, lowest yet) because of lieventsli that happened......

Anyway, essay sucks, hoping for like 85 on it.

My issue isn't what you're saying..but you're making a conjecture without statistics or facts to back it up. If you can provide studies, statistics, etc. proving that illegal aliens, in fact, do bring down the economy (or however you want to say it), then you have every right to say it. However, if I were your teacher reading it right now, I would write something along the lines of "Opinion, not fact."

i came for the shitty grammar, stayed for the skinheads

bravo, freeipodguide

[quoted17298f7b1="Admin"]i came for the shitty grammar, stayed for the skinheads

bravo, freeipodguide[/quoted17298f7b1]

With every post I love you, more and more each time. lol

The quality of literature reflects how much one uses his brain.

[quote143095ec73="theysayjump"]I think you're getting minorities and illegal aliens mixed up.

I'm a minority in this country but won't work for pennies (just).[/quote143095ec73]

Me too...
Im a minority, but im damn smart.

Dont confuse someone who isnt "white" into thinking they're illegal...

Cuz i sure as hell am not.

A-

I read the first 4 sentences and could tell you already that you got it way too easy. Definitely not an A-, but I'm used to nazi english teachers who grade tough so whatever not bad I guess. shrug